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Walls, yes, flawed walls…built up to protect me from the pain inside. For over a dozen years I had been made to believe that I was nothing, that I was stupid and undeserving of anything good. But I was finally free from his fists and rage. I began a new life. It took me several more years to find this consensual lifestyle with my Master. But the cost of my past marriage was high. The anal sex I had once enjoyed, I now feared and hated. Several others before my Master tried, only to give up and walk away from the subject saying I was just too much trouble to continue. When Master and I met we discussed a few things we each desired, needed and wanted from the other, we eventually shared a list of interests. But before that list was done we had discussed certain issues such as anal sex. I expressed my distaste for the activity and He wondered why I had not made it one of my hard limits. I had to think about this. I explained to my new Master of the abuse I suffered at Dick’s hands. It. And not bad at all I’d say. But I didn’t give her anything too difficult.’ ‘Sucked his cock twice. Swallowed both times.’ I blurted this out unintended and they both turned and looked at me with that serious aloof gaze doctors sometimes get with me. I just figured it was time for me to stand up for myself. I want to be good and kind and professional and would never, ever want to hurt John’s feelings or dispute what he was saying. Really! But ‘not bad’ seemed misleading to her. Didn’t Janice need all the facts too? The way he’d told me? John smiled at me. ‘Thank you Caitlyn. You’re right. It was one blowjob but I did cum twice, and I do believe she swallowed most of it.’ (‘Most’? Where did he think the rest of it went?) ‘Course she swallowed for me last time too. She just needs to be told to do so.’ Janice chimed in ‘She is nicely submissive. Easy to see that.’ She was smiling at me too and reached over her hand to cover mine and give it a nice friendly squeeze. ‘We know you try hard.
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